Children’s Eye Health–Interview with Optometrist

Do you have any questions about your child’s eye health?

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At my school, in Kindergarten they send home notices recommending we get our children’s eyes checked and there are certain optometrists who will provide free glasses if your child needs them and is in Kindergarten.

Last year my girls went to the eye doctor for a check-up. I explained what would happen beforehand and the optometrist was very friendly (I had her when I was a kid) and explained things as well. They got to watch Dora while they waited and felt at ease through all the tests. They were rewarded with a prize from the prize box afterwards.

I was able to interview an Optometrist to get answers to some common questions parents might have about their child’s eye care. This is especially important with back to school time. Most important answers are in bold if you don’t have a lot of time.

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Interview Guest Bio:
Dr. Patrick Quaid, Optometrist at IRIS The Visual Group in Guelph, Ontario completed his Fellowship with the USA based College of Optometrists & Vision Development (COVD) and has attained USA Board Certification designation. As he has personally lived it, Dr. Quaid is passionate about spreading knowledge on the impact that abnormal vision can have on a child’s potential to learn and the importance of treating these conditions properly as early as possible.

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Question 1: Why is it important for a child to get their eyes examined before they start school?

80% of learning is vision based and especially reading depends very much on not just having clear vision but also properly working eye muscles that co-ordinate the eyes together. A recent paper we published in a peer reviewed journal has shown that reading speed and accuracy is correlated to several clinical measurements which reflect how well the eyes are co-ordinated together. Of note, over 85% of the children with reading based learning difficulties saw 20/20 on presentation. Thus, is it very important for parents to understand that simply having 20/20 vision certainly does not rule out ocular problems. In Ontario for example, where children’s eye examinations remain a government insured service, it is of great concern that only 40% of children will have had a full eye examination by the end of high school. It is advisable that the first eye examination occur by 12 months and every year thereafter until 20 and then 1-2 years thereafter.

Question 2: If a child’s family wears glasses, are they more likely to need glasses?

Both genetic factors and environmental factors play a role in the development of one’s vision. We are not born with good vision, it is stimulated and trained, 0-2 being the most important time. Eye turns (called “Strabismus”) and lazy eye (termed “Amblyopia”) certainly have an hereditary component with children of parents with such conditions being at a 20-40% higher risk of developing similar issues. However, in the absence of these issues the heredity pattern is not as clear-cut. We know for example that with near-sightedness or myopia (i.e. distance blurriness) that this does not usually occur until about age 5-7 (whereas far-sightedness or hyperopia is usually is picked up much earlier).

There is some mounting evidence from research done in the UK and USA that myopia may be as a result of prolonged near work and reduced exposure to distance vision. For example, a recent large scale study in the UK showed that higher degrees of near-sightedness were associated with children who spent less time outdoors. It is clear that our vision tends to adapt to our surroundings, thus with technology being so prevalent in our society, it is important to get your child to take frequent breaks from their devices and computers, and (heaven’s forbid)......play outside!
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Question 3: Why does my child need an eye exam yearly? Why can’t I just bring her in if she is having trouble seeing?

The main reason for the annual check-ups is that if your child is having issues they are quite simply unlikely to complain (especially children under 6-7 years old). After all, how can someone complain that their vision is “abnormal” if they have never seen normally? This is the same reason that hearing checks are done from a young age. Interestingly, hearing checks are mandatory (and some schools even prohibit your child attending school without proper immunizations now), it is certainly interesting that eye examinations have not been given the same level of respect given that 80% of learning is visually based. For more information readers are encouraged to visit www.iris.ca and download the binocular vision brochure in the children’s section. Another useful link is www.visionhelp.com, a wonderful resource for parents of children with eye co-ordination issues.

Question 4:  Is there anything I can do to prepare my child for her eye exam?

We at IRIS usually advise the parents to prepare the child for the possibility of having eye drops as this can be the biggest source of apprehension for the child. Mom or dad could even practice with artificial tears prior to the appointment. It is vital to have the drops done especially in cases of learning disabilities as children can have moderate amounts of far-sightedness but be able to compensate for it. However, doing so will leave their eyes under strain and likely lead to a significant reluctance to do near work for prolonged periods of time (hence the overlap with ADHD symptoms). If the drops are not done and your child is learning disabled, we suggest you ask your eye care professional to consider doing them or discuss the reasons why it is not being done. It is also important to re-assure your child that there are no “needles” as the term “doctor” in some children often invokes these fears.

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Question 5: How do I choose an eye doctor for my child for their first examination?

You cannot beat recommendations from family and friends. If you don’t have any, you should look for a doctor that has up to date equipment like retinal photography, and spends enough time to not only examine your child but answer any questions you might have. Your eye doctor should always develop a comprehensive treatment plan that may include a specific eyeglass lens technology and sun protection. The most important advice I can give here is not to base your decision on cost. After all, your child’s vision is more important than saving a few dollars. In most provinces children’s eye examinations are insured by the provincial health plan so you can use these savings to invest in proper glasses which provide good quality vision and are supported by a comprehensive warranty. For example, at IRIS we warranty our frames for two years and our fully coated lenses for one year regardless of whether the damage is the child’s fault or not. This type of warranty is vital with children especially, as they can be quite hard on their glasses.

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A big thank you to Dr. Quaid from IRIS for answering my questions. I hope you learned something of value.

Please share your experiences with children’s eye health or what you learned from this post in the comments!

Sharing the Blog Love: Blogs I Recommend

I read a lot of blogs. Instead of reading every post on a few blogs, I prefer to read a few posts on lots of blogs. I read a large majority of blogs by women and most of them are moms but not all. Even among those who are moms, they don’t all blog specifically about being a mom.

I wanted to recognize a few blogs who I think are doing an awesome job and focus on a certain topic or two. Most of them focus on a topic you don’t normally think of right away. Check them out, find a new blog to read and let me know what you think in the comments. (Feel free to mention a niche blog you enjoy too!)

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Marriage

Newlywed Survival covers relationships, saving money, budget, creating a home, fitness and recipes.

I especially enjoy her relationship posts.

We haven’t had a wedding yet but we’ve been common law married for 6 years and together for 8 but I still can use her advice.

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Mental Health

Insane Mamacita’s Musings is a Canadian blog run by a WAHM and her mental health is only one of her topics but it’s the one I remember the most as I struggle with mental health too.

In the future I’d like to talk about that more on my blog.

I enjoy her Project Happy posts especially.

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Fatherhood

Canadian Dad is a funny Dad blog, whether you are Canadian or not. Though they don’t seem to take the spotlight enough, there are dad blogs out there and you don’t have to be a dad to enjoy them.

I love the way he writes and his stories are always full of laughs and sometimes even tears.

It’s different to read about kids from a man’s point of view.

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Creativity

Sophie’s World is something else. I’m fairly new to reading this blog. I was reluctant at first because although I have creative ideas, I don’t have the patience to put them into practice so I don’t knit or sew or draw or paint and I don’t read blogs about those subjects too often.

This isn’t another craft blog though. She is a party planner but used to be a nanny and the ideas she shares on her blog are so different from anything I’ve seen anywhere else. I love this: Map the Neighbourhood with your young child. How many bloggers do you know have a games listing?

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House and Home

Clean Mama is the ultimate blog for helping you keep your home clean and organized.

She has a free monthly cleaning schedule and tons of helpful posts. She sells handmade printables in her Etsy shop if you like to keep things organized on paper.

She has a guide for making a Homekeeping Binder.

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These are just a few of the many blogs I love to read. I hope you found something new!

If you’d like to suggest a blog in the comments, I only ask that you please suggest SOMEONE ELSE’S BLOG and not your own. Share the Love.

REVIEW: ChildUp Early Learning Game Cards Series

ChildUp Early Learning Game Cards are interactive and educational cards for parents to work with their children from 1 to 5 years old.

“The ChildUp Cards are NOT Flash Cards
Under the assumption that babies and toddlers would be able to memorize whole words or series of dots, some people believe that flash cards are a good way to teach reading or counting. This method is flawed because, even if it allows children to recognize known words, it leaves them unable to read or build new words. With numbers, while it is not so difficult to instantly recognize six dots on the face of a die, how would you “read” 25 dots without counting each of them individually? In fact, children who read flash cards are not ‘reading’ or ‘counting’ at all, but only ‘recognizing pictures.’” – from info cards

There are two sets of cards:

• Teach Your Child to Count to 10 – Math and Logic #1
• Teach Your Child to Count to 20 – Math and Logic #2

Besides learning to count, your child can also learn the difference between even and odd numbers and to do basic additions and subtractions. He or she will also animal vocabulary and language skills.

Each set of cards has animals on it (40 for each set) and the cards are separated into sections with a card at the beginning explaining what each animal is.

ChildUp has also created Early Learning Mobile Apps for iOS and Android and also offers a series of Online Parenting Courses about early academic learning and emotional and social development.

The packs are only $12 and come in a cute little box for safe keeping. Each one comes with 16 parent cards which has valuable information on how children learn and how to use the cards.  If you want to know how to use the cards BEFORE you buy them, there is a link on the main page to a pdf.

There are also all kinds of parenting articles.

Find ChildUp on Facebook and Twitter

*Disclosure: I received the product(s) mentioned above free of charge by the company or PR representative for evaluation purposes. No other compensation was provided. See my Disclosure Policy for more information.

Making Time For Your Spouse (The Mommy Mindset)

A few of us bloggers get together to chat about parenting issues. This time we focused on out spouses. I’d love for you to add your thoughts in the comments.

How do you make time for your spouse?

Valerie: Doing things as a family and also making time for date night. We really try to make time for each other each night after the kids have gone to bed - whether it's 30 min or a few hours it really makes a difference.

Lena: I am really bad with it. I still owe my husband a romantic dinner for his birthday (almost 4 months ago). WOW - I should really not be saying anything about paying attention to marriage

Kathleen: I'm still working on this. Even when the kids are all asleep, my husband and I do different things so it's hard to find something to do TOGETHER. My suggestion would be the little things, a kiss, a hand squeeze, a shoulder rub as you walk by even. Showing you care in little ways will add up.

Mary: I have a husband? So that's who that guy is! Just kidding... It is crazy hard to find a balance and it does not help that we co-sleep. One day baby girl will be in her own bed! Until then, we are creative in finding "alone time" but we fail at date nights and I feel the strain. I think we both realize that this time is temporary and our needs can come second - for now. That said, holy crap do we need a weekend alone! A friend of mine, who's kids are a few years older, will just go into their room for "mommy and daddy time." As open as I am about some things I don't think I will ever be that open. Its bad enough my son caught us one night, I don't think we could afford the therapy on us actually doing it while they are fully conscious.

Emily: My husband is ALWAYS wanting to have date nights, my problems is that I ALWAYS want to be the one to tuck The Boy in at night. I've started to let go of that and we've been having at least one date night a month. A few weeks ago, we went away overnight and my mom stayed with The Boy. It was awesome to let go of being a mom and connect with my husband. We go to lunch together during the week while The Boy is at school, not as romantic as a dinner, but still a wonderful time together. We even have a date night planned for this Tuesday - Dave Matthews Band!

Ghada: Hmmm...by the crickets in the discussion, I suspect we are all having trouble keeping that balance. To be honest, with 2 kids under 5 paying attention to our marriage is sometimes as simple as having a chat over tea after dinner. Though we are aiming to do date night starting in July at least twice a month.

Mary: ‎Ghada I was thinking the same thing and feel relived that it is not just me, ladies.

Thank You for sharing, Valerie of Valerie’s Reviews, Lena of Way2Goodlife, Kathleen of Callista’s Ramblings, Mary of iNeed a Playdate, Emily of Nap Time is My Time, Ghada of Mama goes BAM

REVIEW: How to Photograph Your Baby DVD by @nickkelsh

Photography and Me

I’ve always loved photography but my photos always come out bad. I always figured I’d never take good photos until I had the money to buy a GOOD camera.

I’ve gotten a little better over the years as I learn a few tricks but I still get a majority of eh pictures and some really bad.

I would still like to get a quality camera someday but thanks to Nick Kelsh, I have some idea of how to make the photos I take with my regular cameras, better.

Assumptions

I figured the video would drone on about photography using words I didn’t understand or be helpful only to those who had the high quality cameras. So I put off watching it until it was time to do the review.

I Was Wrong.  You knew what they say about assumptions right?

Learning and Laughing

Nick Kelsh is FUNNY. I loved the video and was sad when it was done. He has a great sense of humour, did not use much technical language and showed parents taking photos with regular digital cameras as well.

Each tip is presented after introducing us to a mom, dad or grandma who has troubles with his or her photos. We are introduced to the adult and the child, shown photos that were taken and then Nick explains the problem. Then he shows them how simple it is to fix that problem and within minutes they are taking better photos.

More About Photography

Nick Kelsh is also the owner of howtophotographyourlife.com where he offers photography tips and fun like quotes and a caption contest. He has a daily photo tips email that you can get the free version of or the more indepth paid version (only $19.95/year)

There is also the How to Photograph Your Baby Facebook Page which currently has assignments you can participate in. Eventually there will be forums and galleries on the website.

Testing

I applied the following tips in the following photos:

• Get Close
• Watch Your Backgrounds
• Lighting, Lighting, Lighting!

I’m giving away a How to Photograph Your Baby DVD and One Year Subscription to howtophotographyourlife.com in the Shake, Rattle and Roll Hop which ends 6/5 and is open to US/CAN (along with other products totalling over $100.)

Buy It: You can purchase the DVD, the website subscription and a few other things at the shop.

*Disclosure: I received the product(s) mentioned above free of charge by the company or PR representative for evaluation purposes. No other compensation was provided. See my Disclosure Policy for more information.

REVIEW: The Pocket Referee: Making Peace Between Siblings

Sibling Rivalry Happens to Every Family

All siblings fight but when your children are close in age, they fight more. My girls are not quite 15 months apart and it’s like it’s their mission in life to be ahead of or better than each other, no matter how much I’ve tried to teach them that’s not what counts.

They are constantly fighting over whose turn it is to go on the computer, what TV show they are going to watch, who goes first with a toy and so on. I tried keeping track of whose turn it was to decide but that’s practically impossible. I tried choosing who got their way based on who seems to get their way less,  but that’s not really fair. I tried letting them figure it out for themselves and just ended up with two crying children.

So What Can I Do?

Enter The Pocket Referee. We are still testing this out completely but the premise makes PERFECT SENSE. Why didn’t anyone invent this before?

It’s quite simple actually and has hidden benefits which we’ll see in a moment.

1. Flip the coin to see which child starts with it.
2. When a situation arises, the child with the coin can EITHER:
   • Get their way but pass the coin
   • Let the other one have their way and keep the coin

What Were Those Hidden Benefits?

Empowerment (your children can settle their own arguments which will make them feel more grown up)

• Delayed Gratification (Since they can choose to keep the coin and allow their sibling to have their way this once so that they can have their way next time when it may be something more important to them, your child is learning that sometimes we have to wait to get something we want and that sometimes something later is better than something now.
• Keeping the Peace (No more fighting! If they start fighting, just ask “Who has the ref?” and let them figure it out.

TIP: The child is possession of the coin doesn’t have to carry it on him at all times (although it does come in a nice velvet bag with an imprinted carabiner) My girls are clipping it to their bed or dresser when it’s “theirs.”

What if I Have Three Children?

The Pocket Referee makes two different varieties of their coins: Antique Brass and Gold Finish. If you have three children, you will need both of them. Gold wins out over brass. So if a child with a coin and a child without a coin are in argument, the child with the coin gets the choice. If both children have a coin, the child with the gold coin gets the choice. If however the child with gold coin decides child with brass coin can have their way, child with brass coin gives her coin to child without a coin.

Buy It: You can purchase The Pocket Referee at the website in their online store, at amazon.com and in a few select places in a few select US states (see the website.)

Disclosure: I received a product in order to write my review as part of a promotion with Living Your Moment . All opinions are mine and mine alone. I am disclosing this in accordance with FTC 16 CFR Part 255 concerning the use of endorsements and testimonials in advertising.

My Baby Compass–Finally A “Manual” For Parents - Developmental Screening

Every parent wishes they had a manual for their baby or child, especially when they are so young they can’t talk and tell us what they are thinking or what’s wrong. 

There is no all encompassing manual but My Baby Compass comes close!

Every Parent Worries

Every parent also worries about their child. Is he learning new skills at the proper age? Should she be crawling yet? Why isn’t he walking? Talking and Motor Skills are the most common worries of parents from what I’ve seen, but sometimes other skills they should be learning are overlooked.
For those with children on the Autism spectrum, did you find that it was a shock or that you didn’t notice the behaviours? I’ve heard other parents of Autistic children say something similar, they just didn’t see it.

Test Your Knowledge

Do you know when a child should be able to indicate a need without crying (like pointing or getting an object)? When they start moving to music? When they will show off for attention? We don’t just have questions about babies either. When should  she be able to put together a four party toy (Mr. Potato Head/Legos) When can they identify four to five colours when asked?  When should your child understand simple time intervals (hour, half hour etc.) *answers at the end

About the Program

My Baby Compass helps with all of that. It is a program designed to screen your child (or other’s children if used by a doctor, day care worker or psychologist.) It doesn’t just tell you if your child is meeting the correct milestones though, it also tells you what to do if he is not and what activities to try to help her with those areas. It also includes lots of resources.

My Baby Compass comes in three books, each with  multiple booklets for on the go screening. You can buy just one book or you can buy all three in a kit.

Book One: Birth to Two Years
Book Two: Two to Four Years
Book Three: Four to Seven Years

Each book has lists based on age and skill type with spots for you to check off when it’s been accomplished and put a date (you can put a general date like 9 months or November 2011)

For example from Book One (Birth to Two Years) you will find:
Baby TALKS (Birth to 3 Months)
Baby HEARS (Birth to 3 Months)
Baby UNDERSTANDS (Birth to 3 Months)
Baby MOVES (Birth to 3 Months)
Baby FEELS (Birth to 3 Months)

Then the same 5 topics for the next age category (3-6 Months) right on up to 19-24 Months.

Book Two (Two to Four Years) and Book Three (Four to Seven Years) have the same 5 skills plus another section for TALKS IN PHRASES and are all separated into smaller age categories such as 24-30 months, 43-48 months, 4^1/2  to 5 years or 5-6 Years.

My Baby Compass is also a Parent Tested Parent Approved Award Winner.

Testing It Out

My second daughter will be 5 years old on Saturday, so I took out the book and turned to the 4^1/2  to 5 years section. (Keep in mind that you look at the section when your child is finished that age. So you check the 4^1/2 to 5 year section when your child is 5.) I was able to see that she has met most of the milestones just by looking. Some I had to think hard if she’d done it, and for some, I’ll have to keep my eye on her for the next little while to see.

• Begins to make the “th” (think, this) and “zh” (measure) sounds in words (Four Year Old TALKS)

This one was a relief because I was worried that she should be making the TH sound correctly by now but it looks as if she should be just starting to get it right. If I flip ahead, I see that while my child should be getting better at the TH sounds as she gets older, it’s possible not to have mastered it till age 8!

• Repeats the days of the week in sequence (Four Year Old HEARS)

I was surprised to see this one here as my six year old is just getting the hang of the days of the week. But it doesn’t mean my child is behind. If your child doesn’t go to school at 4 or you’ve never bothered to teach them, then they will not know it. However if you’ve done the suggested activities and tried to teach it and she is still not getting it, then you might start wondering. I’m not worried, my daughter is starting to get the hang of the days of the week and is showing interest in learning.

• Likes working on projects and may carryover an activity from day to day (Four Year Old FEELS)

My husband brought home scratch art kits and they work on it a little each day so she does this. Sometimes she is worried about finishing something she is doing and I remind her that she can work on it the next day.

I also checked my other children against the lists. Anything they weren’t doing yet or I wasn’t sure if they could, I will do the suggested activities for. If you look in the “My Child Did Not Meet a Milestone. Now What?” section is tells you not to panic, that checklists are based on statistics and your child may be close to meeting a milestone. It recommends you use the activities given to encourage your child to respond appropriately.

This is an amazing resource. If you are familiar with the Nippissing Screening checklists or other such checklists, I find My Baby Compass way better. Why? It includes skills not covered by other screening checklists and even in the speech section, doesn’t just include how many words they speak or understand and such but also what letter sounds they should be able to make and such. The resources alone make it worth the price.
Some of the Resources You’ll Find:

• Baby Info such as Feeding, Quality Time, Routines, How Babies Grow/Learn etc. (Book One)
• Communication Process: How Babies Learn to Talk, Listening/Speaking Style, When Baby Cries, Signing (All Books – slightly different in each)
• Age Appropriate Toys and Playtime Ideas (All Books)
• Music and Rhymes for Fun and Learning (All Books)
• Sign Language (All Books)
• Toddler Info such as Potty Training, Play, Tantrums, Discipline, Feeling Words (Book Two)
• Suggested Vocabulary: Basic Words, feeling words, different/same words, rhyming words etc. (Book Two)
• Book Suggestions (Book One/Two – small list, Book Three includes Books to help with language development and Books to help with sound development)
• Preschooler Info such as Preschool/School, Creative play, Bullying, Conflict, Discipline, Feelings, etc. (Book Three)
• Vocabulary and Phonological Awareness Appendix (Book Three)

Even if your child is already 6, I would recommend the third book because it has all kinds of information with regards to how children learn to read and ways to help them with the specific skills they will need. In fact I HIGHLY recommend this product to ALL parents and those who work with children. 

To Learn More or Buy My Baby Compass, check out the website. You can also find My Baby Compass on Facebook, Twitter or watch the video about it on YouTube.

*Answer to Test Your Knowledge
Indicates a need without crying (like pointing or getting an object) – 12 months
Moves to music – 6 months
Show off for attention – 18 Months
Puts together four part toy -  36 months/3 years
Identifies four to five colours when asked – 4^1/2 years
Understands simple time intervals – 7 years

My Baby Compass was my sponsor for Blogmania 2012

*Disclosure: I received the product(s) mentioned above free of charge by the company or PR representative for evaluation purposes. No other compensation was provided. See my Disclosure Policy for more information. 

Ask Callista 4/13 –New Weekly Feature–Get Your Questions Answered

A Little Background

I love knowledge and I love helping others. When I started my blog, one of the things I wanted to do was impart knowledge to others. Not that I claim to have all the answers of course but what I don’t know, I have fun looking up.

When I was a kid, my mother and I would pick a topic, research it, and present it to each other in a fun way (demonstrations, bristol board displays etc.) Yes like a grade school project, but for fun.  As a teenager I research Autism and made my own binder full of notes and research. I still have it I think.  I didn't really know anyone with Autism, it just interested me and still does.

So yeah, I love knowledge. It`s why I read almost exclusively nonfiction.

On to the Feature

So every Friday, I will answer questions submitted to me by readers and friends. They fall under one of three categories: General Knowledge (Something I could look up if I don`t know), Advice/Opinions (My advice on the subject or I will gather advice from others if I don’t know or feel qualified to answer) and Personal (questions about me or my blog.)
You can submit your questions here.

The Questions

Samantha asks: What do you suggest for a child who is interested in potty training some days and will do good for a week or two, but then will stop and not want to use the potty at all for a few weeks? My daughter will be 2 and and half in May and I would really like her to be potty trained by the end of the summer.

Callista says: Potty training is difficult because we control so much about our children’s lives and potty training is the one thing that we can’t control. We can’t MAKE them go. We can put them on the potty, we can reward, bribe or threaten all we want. But we can’t make them go.  Many parents have a goal of when they would like their child potty trained by and it’s okay to have a goal but ultimately, the decision rests with the child. If she is showing interest and has even gone a few times, then she does want to do it, but she may either feel pressured and be pulling back or she may be nervous about moving to the next step.

Make sure you not only praise her when she goes but when she chooses to just sit on the potty. If she goes in her diaper, don’t make a negative comment. It’s tempting to say something like, “You know you should really do that in the potty” or “Big girls go on the potty” but that may backfire on you. Just change her diaper as if it’s no big deal, do it quick. One trick to try is to start dumping the poop into the toilet before throwing out the diaper. It’s a subtle message about where it should be, without saying anything. Depending on how often she is going in the toilet and if she is interested in wearing underwear and if you are willing to deal with a lot of mess, some parents (including me) have found just switching to underwear a good way to go. Once they actually have to FEEL their mess, they are more apt to go to the toilet. However you don’t want to switch back to diapers so take this step only if you are both ready.

Jen asks: When milk is heated does it lose any nutrients or calcium?

Callista says: I had a lot of trouble finding an answer to this one! There is a lot of conflicting advice around and the sources I would trust, didn’t seem to have anything on it.  I think the main consensus seems to be that heating at high temperatures can make milk lose some of it’s nutrients but that heating up milk in the microwave for a baby or a hot drink should be okay if you heat it up in short bursts, for as little time as possible. Heat no more than 30 seconds at a time, and you really shouldn’t need much more after that anyways. I will look into this furthur and see if I can find a more concrete answer from a reliable source. If I do I will be sure to share it. Also remember I am not a medical professional and will not be held liable for my advice.

Rebelle of Dishin with Rebelle asks: What is some advice you can give to new bloggers or even bloggers that have been around awhile but are still struggling?

Callista says: My two biggest tips/advice for new or struggling bloggers is this:

1. All is Not What It Seems
It may look like that bigger blogger has it all, has more time to devote to their blog than you, is just better at blogging than you, got lucky when it comes to opportunities or has a huge fan base that comments on every post but NOT NECESSARILY.  Those bloggers have a larger fan base and great opportunities because they work hard for it and they’ve figured out shortcuts to save time. They use scheduled posts, scheduled tweets and post/email templates. They often spend many hours on their blog, getting little sleep. Most of all, they have #2 on my list.

2. You Need a Community
I’ve blogged for years, some of which were on and off, but fairly steadily since at least 2007 yet I got piddly stats until just recently (2011).  The biggest help to my blogging has been the blogging communities I’ve found and joined. I bounce ideas off of them, they help me with problems and they exchange comments, retweets, giveaway entries and stumbles with me. (Also pins, follows, +1s and visits) It takes some time to find the right one(s) for you. I’ve joined some and found they weren’t for me and moved on. My two biggest community groups are the Canuck Bloggers Network and She Promotes. Just make sure you follow any communities rules.

Okay that’s it for today, this post has gotten really long! If you submitted a question and I didn’t answer it, check back next week! If you want to submit a question, fill out this form.

The Mommy Mindset: Good Night Routine

I guess we all learn the hard way what works for our kids when it comes to the "Good Night" Routine. What works for you and what doesn't?

Sarah: I allocate an hour for our goodnight routine. It starts with picking up whatever toys need to be put away, on to her bath (if she's getting one that evening) and finally we read 2 books that she gets to pick out and sing 3 songs. We always sing the "Goodnight Song." She does fine with me but when it's her dad's turn to put her down, she fights it. If he plays with her in her room after pajamas and before reading, she does better but she always calls out for me. I'll admit, part of me likes that she only wants me to put her down. :)

Leila: We don't have much of a routine, even though we should. Night time is usually our family down time and we watch the kids' shows with them. A half hour before bed (so at the start of a new show) we let them know that when this show is over, it is bed time. This at least helps them prepare for bedtime. When the show is over (fortunately kid shows typically end a few minutes early) they put on their jammies, do potty breaks, good night kisses all around and off to bed. It works for us anyway!

Mariah: I love hearing about everyone's routine. I know our night time situation is not ideal at all. We should have more of a routine and I know I should work on that as my little man gets older. If he doesn't go to sleep early then he stays up with me and my husband and plays or lays on his bean bag. When I get ready to go upstairs, my husband brings him up while I brush my teeth. Then I lay down with W and he usually falls asleep within about 10 minutes while I read.

Sarah: I should also add that my daughter's bed time is different every night. I know we should be consistent but on the nights she doesn't have school the next day, we let her stay up later. She's definitely a night owl. On NYE, she made it to midnight while I was ready to go to bed!

Lena: Here is my problem: my 4 year old takes online pre-school class in the evening and after that she goes to bed and stays up for an hour reading book. My two year old doesn't know how to fall asleep - he keep jumping out of a crib until he somehow manages to fall asleep.

Sarah: Does your 2 year old nap in the afternoon? If so, for how long? My 2.5 year old will take 3 hour naps if I let her. I try to only let her sleep 2 hours so she'll go to bed a little easier. My friend lets her son jump on his trampoline (small, indoor one) as part of his bedtime ritual. I thought it would just get him wound up but it tires him out.

Emily: Bedtime at our house is 7:45. As far as a routine, we have a routine for everything! It's been my experience that my son reacts better when he knows what to expect. We read two books, brush our teeth, use the potty, and then it's hugs and kisses all around. My son stays awake "reading" for probably 25 - 30 minutes, which - according to my parents - is what I did as a child, too.

(c) 2012 Kathleen Garber.

Kathleen: Ours is pretty standard. Around 7:00 we start it with the aim for bedtime at 7:30. PJS, Brush Teeth, One daughter Takes pill, say goodnight to Daddy, Hear Story, get tucked in. Works for us.

Lena: ‎Sarah, If I would let me 2 yo jump on trampoline, he'd be climbing the walls!! Both 2 and 4 still get a nap, the 2 yo actually sleeps less than 4 yo. He sleeps like 2 hours. I tried to do yoga before bed with them yesterday - 2 yo messed everything up and they both ended up laughing a lot. He just cannot come himself down.

Emily: ‎Lena, have you thought about creating a chart of your bedtime routine for the 2-year old? It might help him to relax, as he'll know what to expect. I'm working on one right now (for a different topic) at the suggestion of an Early Childhood Educator friend of mine. Children crave routine, and knowing what is next and what's expected of them helps them feel like they have control.

Cyndy: We don't really have a routine which I know is not the ideal way to handle bedtime, but it has worked for us. There is some bit of a routine in terms of a book, or a bath (depending on the night), or a drink, brushing teeth - but the times/order change constantly. Sometimes this works really well for us and sometimes it does not, but overall we've not had huge issues in this area.

Ghada: We do the same sort of wind down routines every night, not always in the same order. I let Mr 4 take the lead as long as he is actually winding down. What worked really well with him as a baby and is working for his 4 month old sister is a sleep bag. As soon as I dim the lights and zip her into it, she starts to yawn and knows it is time for sleep. So it doesn't matter if she didn't have a bath that night, she still picks up on the sleep bag cue. Besides that, baths, reading a book and singing a song are regular night time routines.

Thank You for your valuable input, Ghada of Mama Goes BAM, Mariah of Formula Mom, Lena of Way2Goodlife, Emily of Nap Time is My Time, Cyndy of Mama Does It All, Kathleen of  Callista’s Ramblings, Sarah of East 9th Street, and Leila of The Go To Mommy.

Related articles

• The Mommy Mindset: Healthy Toddler Snacks (callistasramblings.blogspot.com)
• The Mommy Mindset: Homeschooling (callistasramblings.blogspot.com)

6 Things to Remember When Hosting a Child's Birthday Party

The birthday party theme, cake, decorations, games and presents are of course an important part of planning for your child's birthday party but it's not the most important.

Those things will make the birthday boy or girl happy but you also want to keep in mind your child's guests and keeping them happy. Some things to please keep in mind:

1. Don't give out invitations less than a week before the birthday. You need to give your guests and their families time to make arrangements to go, have the money and time to purchase a gift and time to RSVP. If you do it last minute, don't expect many guests or presents.
   
   
2. If you ask for an RSVP, make sure someone will be available to answer the phone number your provide or make sure you have an answering machine. If an older sibling might be answering the phone, make sure they know information about the party to relay to the parents if they have questions.There's nothing worse then trying to RSVP and not getting an answer or call back and when you finally get a hold of someone, not having your questions answered.
   
   
3. Provide details on your invites. Time and Place are the most important. Don't forget the birthday child's name and age (to buy a gift and address cards) as well as details such as if a meal will be provided, if something needs to be brought/worn (like bathing suits or socks) or any special instructions (are adults expected to stay or leave?)
   
   
4. Remember that if your child is inviting school friends, that there will be adults there that don't really know you or your other guests. Introduce yourself by name and who's parent you are. Make a point to get to know them. Ask your child to introduce you to her friends. Show them where to put gifts, where drinks and snacks are and where the bathrooms are.
   
   
5. No one should EVER feel uncomfortable at a party you are hosting. If a bunch of you already know each other and there are some people that your child knows but are new to you, don't sit all together at one table with the family and good friends and leave the new friends to sit all by themselves somewhere else.
   
   
6. Provide Alternatives. Keep in mind that not all parents allow their children to drink pop and have alternatives such as juice or water, PLEASE. 

Keep these in mind and your party should go great!

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To Tell the Truth - Lying to our Children

The topic of lying to our children has been talked about many times. I was reading an article in the March 2012 issue of Today's Parent. It's called I'm Sure Gramps Will Be Just Fine by Lisa Van de Deyn.

"...we all deceive our broods for a number of reasons - to spare their feelings, preserve tradition, protect young ears and encourage good behaviour. We also do it because, let's face it, sometimes it's easier to tell tales than the truth." - pg 125

"I do try to be truthful because I don't believe that kids should be deceived, but in some cases, if it's harmless and it's going to save some grief in the short term, I think it's fine." - pg 126

This sounded like it made sense to me but then reading the examples, I agreed with some and disagreed with others and I realized that what we believe is harmless is different for each parent.

I Want to Know What You Think
So out of curiosity, I want your anonymous opinion (although feel free to say as much as you want in the comments too please, but I will delete any mean comments directed at anyone else, keep it civil.

I will be posting the results so please take a few moments to fill in the quick survey (5 questions) and share with others. Survey will close at 200 responses or in a few weeks whichever comes first.

You can read the article on the Today's Parent website here.

CLICK LINK BELOW

The Mommy Mindset: Healthy Toddler Snacks

The Mommy Mindset is a group of moms (who happen to be bloggers) chatting about a parenting topic. On weeks that I join the conversation, I'll be featuring the conversation. I was supposed to post this last week but got behind. Enjoy and please leave your ideas in the comments.

(c) Flickr User lindaaslund

The moms joining the conversation this week include Mariah of Formula Mom, Leila of The Go To Mommy, Kathleen of Callista's Ramblings, Tamara of Mommyland, Cyndy of Mama Does It All, LaVonne of Long Wait for Isabella, Darcy of Tales From the Nursery, Tonya of Bringing Up Hopkins, Emily of Nap Time is My Time, Lena of Way2GoodLife, Ashleigh of Living Off Love and Coffee, and Ghada of Mama Goes BAM.

Mariah: I never realized how hard it could be to put together healthy snacks for W. I don't want him always eating crackers or cereal but it can be difficult to put together snacks that work well when we are out and about. He loves apple slices, peaches, bananas, green beans, and salad but those don't go in the diaper bag well. I end up taking goldfish with us a lot. Do you have any suggestions for other healthier snacks that work for toddlers?

Leila: We always had a selection of crackers, cereal, and raisins. Occasionally we did dried fruit since it was easy to carry around without spoiling.

Kathleen: Yogurt covered raisins keep well and add more to regular raisins. My kids never liked dried fruit much. If they don't mind them not being cold, fruit cups would work.

Tamara: When mine were little, what I did was get the 1/4 cup ziploc bowls with the lids, then add fruit to those and kept them in the fridge. I would cut them up when we I got home from the market so it was done and when walking out the door I didn't have to worry about it. Just grab and go! Tey fit right in the bottle bag that comes with a lot of the diaper bags to stay cool and if you keep it in the freezer when you're not using it, it stays cold longer! I also put veggies cleaned and sliced in the snack size baggies.
Dried fruit is another thing I would do. Get a big bag then put a small handful in the baggies. Frozen fruit works too. I would take frozen strawberries, toss them in the little bowls, and by the time they wanted them they were thawed enough to eat but still frozen enough to not be really messy.

Leila: Oh, Kathleen, that reminded me! Applesauce!!! It is not bad warm and you can get organic, sugar free, etc. Those work great too!

Cyndy: When Gwen was younger, I would try to have strawberries and blueberries in containers for her. I also had some of the Gerber snacks that she liked. She also really likes ham so I would bring slices of it in a container.

Kathleen: Yes, applesauce too. Also those baby puffs because toddlers like them too. I think they count as healthy?

LaVonne: My daughter is 4 and we pack snacks for her very often. This time of year we are giving her Cuties (those easy to peel citrus fruit), Annie's Organic Fruit Snacks, and Clif Kidz bars. Her newest favorite, which I have been purchasing on Amazon is Annie Chung Roasted Snack Seaweed Paper. We always have 100% juice boxes or her water bottle with us too. It seems like we have programmed her to ask for snacks and drinks anytime we are in the car though!

Darcy: We bring along Gerber crunchies. Rissa loves them now that she snubs the puffs! We also will take pouches of like applesauce since she'll suck it out of there. Oh and frozen fruit since its usually thawed by the time she wants it like Tamara mentioned.

Tonya: Whenever I would bring snacks for A it was always puffs. My 5 year old would eat them all the time.

Mariah: W now has his one year molars so I might feel safer trying some sort of fruit snacks if they aren't too sticky. I just don't want to get into the habit of giving him the same thing again and again. I want him to have a variety! He loves applesauce and we do carry it in the diaper bag. I like putting the fruit in the small tupperware containers! Thanks for the great ideas!

Emily: I love Plum Organics, Revolution Foods, and HappyBaby Products. Each company offers healthy snack choices for kids. The best part is that they're not full of preservatives & other nasty things I don't want The Boy exposed to. Some of his favorites are the pouches, I love that they combine fruits & veggies. I also carry bananas because he loves them and they travel well...as long as they're on the top of the bag!

Lena: I have been putting snack bags for my kids and my favorites are dry snap peas, plantain chips, dry berries, and cheerios. I put these together once a week in a tiny sandwich bags and the kids love getting their own snack bags. Seaweed snacks are also great and they come individually packed.
Valerie: A lot of great suggestions. My girls really like fruit and cereal bars. They are an easy to go snack.

Ashleigh: I have Pirate's Booty snacks, homemade muffins and 100% fruit cups around all the time. I love these other ideas as well! I am always looking for healthy but fun snacks for my son.

Ghada: It was pretty hard when Mr 4 was alot younger. As you say, a lot of the food you want to bring does not travel well. Thankfully he is a fruit kid and now we can bring apples and bananas. Unfortunately I think a lot of what we travel with is a little more on the less healthy side - biscuits and raisins. I'm going to try my hand at Kale chips this week and hopefully start making mini muffins from scratch again.

Mariah: These are all great ideas and maybe it's not as hard as it seems to get some variety into snack time, even when we're on the go! I will have to try all of these ideas and see which foods W likes and which he just throws back at me!

WARNING: Reading This Blog Could Be Dangerous to Your Health!

You never know, you might go blind from eye strain, see ads that cause you to go on a shopping spree until you are broke, gain knowledge that makes your head explode or you may become addicted to my twitter feed!

Does any of this sound ridiculous to you? I sure hope so. The Canadian Reader's Digest magazine for December 2011 has an article titled The Petrified Woman by Lenore Skenazy. It's listed as humour but really I'd say it a social commentary. It's about the many warnings we get from society about everything in our life and how society really needs to lighten up.

"Stop! Are you about to eat a scoop of onion dip? It could cause meningitis. Showing some kids around your workplace? For God's sake, keep them away from the stapler. Planning a walk? Bring plenty of water or you could end up in a coma! And let's not even talk about what could happen if you take the kids to the mall and find yourselves contemplating an escalator ride. Suffice to say you should tie their shoes, insist they hold the handrail, place them in the centre of the steps and say your prayers." - pg 104 Reader's Digest December 2011

Lenore Skenazy became well known when it came out that she let her 9 year old son ride the New York Subway alone and she received thousands of vicious emails. This led to her speaking out about our scared to do anything society and then to the term Free Range Kids and it's corresponding book and blog.

"For about a month, I watched TV, cruised the internet and read a bunch of books, magazines and email "tips" to see what the average person gets warned about in the course of everyday life. The result? I am typing this from inside a giant safety deposit box. You can feed me - but no onion dip, please - through a hole I drilled in the side. I don't have a cellphone, because it could give me a brain tumour. I don't have a bottle of water, because the plastic could disrupt my endocrine receptors and turn me into a woman. Oh, wait. I already am one." - pg 106 Reader's Digest December 2011

There are some warnings in here that she found that are so ridiculous. Even if a child actually DID get hurt that way, doesn't mean the risk is high enough to warrant not using the item ever again. The Dr. Oz show is mentioned and even though I LOVE Dr. Oz, his show is not good for the paranoid. He warns against seemingly everything.

"My advice? Pay attention to your health - and a little less to the health scare of the day - and you'll be fine." - pg 109 Reader's Digest December 2011

GREAT article, I highly recommend you read it. I'd also LOVE to hear your thoughts!

*Disclosure: The link to the book is an affiliate link. I receive a few pennies if you buy something from it. No compensation was provided. See my Disclosure Policy for more information. 

GIVEAWAY: 12 Days of Gifts Galore - $460 in Prizes Split in Two Winners (WW) #12DaysGalore

Welcome to 12 Days of Gifts Galore Giveaway Hop hosted by Tales From the Nursery, Formula Mom, and Mama on a Green Misson. There's over $5,000 in prizes offered to help you get the gifts you need this holiday season. After you are done entering our giveaway you'll want to check out everyone else's AND enter for a chance to win one of three GRAND prizes sponsored by Kudzoom! Each blog you stop and enter at will be another entry!

I have seven sponsors for this event which will make up 2 prize packs.

Prize Pack #1 - $200 - Year Subscription to Reading Kingdom - Open Worldwide

"The Reading Kingdom is more than a phonics program. It’s an online reading program for children ages 4 to 10 that teaches six skills needed for reading and writing success. Created by Dr. Marion Blank, one of the world's top experts in literacy, the reading system is beloved by parents and has helped thousands of kids to learn to read."  - Read My Review Here

Prize Pack #2 - ($240 to $260) - Gifts for Parents and Children - Open US/CAN (For you or use as a gift - if there is something your family can't use, share with a friend)

Mumoocie Memory Foam Body Pillow - $80 - Read My Review Here

Unique Design Good for Those Who Don't Like to Sleep Alone (Kids OR Adults)

PaperJamz Guitar - $40 - Review Coming Soon

Play the Guitar Like a Pro! 8+

Live Call with Santa (and CD) from Santa Speaking - $37.90 -  $59.90 - Spotlight Coming Soon

Your child will get a personalized call from Santa himself and a CD recording of the call to hear again and again and hang on the tree. Value depends on when you schedule the call and how many children you have. See the spotlight post for details.

Mommy MD Guides (Pregnancy/Birth and First Year) by Jennifer Reich - $26  - Read Review Here

My Very Merry Christmas Personalized Book by I See Me - $25 - Review Coming Soon

Lovable Labels Holly Jolly Gift Pack - Winner's Choice of Christmas Jewels or Santa's Pick - $25 - Review Coming Soon

To enter, please use the rafflecopter form below. If you don't know how to use it, see this rafflecopter guide. A copy of the giveaway rules are below and on the rafflecopter form. Entering the giveaway means you have read and agree to the rules. If you have any problems, email me callista83@cogeco.ca

NOTE: Only the first entry is mandatory. However there is a bonus 25 entries if you do all the single entries. The list of entries is fairly long because I wanted to give love to my sponsors. Entries are grouped by type/frequency.

GIVEAWAY RULES:
One Person Per Household. Prize Pack #1 Open Worldwide 18+, Prize Pack #2 Open to US/Canada 18+. Giveaway open until December 6, 2011 @ 11:59 PM EST. Odds of winning depend on number of valid entries received. Duplicate (accidental or not) entries will be deleted before a winner is picked and winner's entries will be verified. Winner will be selected using random.org on December 7, 2011 and will be contacted by email. Winner will have 3 days to claim their prize or their prize is forfeit and another winner will be chosen. For Prize Pack #1, I will ask for permission to forward your email to them and they will give you your year subscription. For Prize Pack #2, I will ask for permission to share your email address with Santa Speaking, I See Me Books and Lovable Labels so they can coordinate the details of your prize. I will provide your mailing address to Mumoocie, Paper Jamz and Mommy MD Guides. Contest Void Where Prohibited. This giveaway is not associated, nor sponsored by Facebook. We hereby release Facebook of any liability.

Click Read More if you can't see the widget.

REVIEW: Mumoocie Body Pillow - Sponsor for #12DaysGalore

Come back between Nov 25-Dec 6 for your chance to win a Memory Foam Mumoocie Pillow (RV: $80) in my 12 Days of Gifts Galore Giveaway.

The Mumoocie (pronounced MAH-MOO-SEE) is a body pillow with a unique design. It's designed to mimic another body so that an adult, child or baby can cuddle up to it in a spooning position and feel like they are not sleeping alone.

Anyone can use it but it was designed with children moving from the family bed to their own bed or who otherwise have trouble sleeping on their own, adults whose spouses are on midnights or are away for work (military or business trips) and who will therefore be sleeping alone, or even pets!

"Mumoocie is for anyone who encounters separation anxiety and enjoys getting a good night's rest!"

You can see the gallery of possible uses here.

The pillow comes in fiber fill or memory foam. The one pictured to the right is Memory foam so it holds it's shape. The fiber fill one is more rounded. I was able to try out the memory foam pillow, here's what my family thought:

• Mom's First Thought: I LOVE Memory Foam, the pillow will never go flat but weird shape.
• Dad's First Thought: Is this for me? I need a new pillow for between my legs.
• Daughter #1's First Thought: I LOVE this pillow. It's my favourite pillow now. Can I use it? Can I use it?
• Daughter #2's First Thought: That's a funny pillow, it's so squishy!
• Son's First Thought: (Okay he's 8 months, so I don't know what he's thinking but he seemed to like when I used it to prop him up as he slept in my arms because it was fussy.)

My husband first tried it between his legs but it's not the right size for him, he loves the memory foam though. Now it currently lays between us in bed as when he lays facing the bed, he has to have his arm over a pillow. It's like an arm rest in bed. I use it too when I face that way. I do like cuddling up to it when he's not in bed but I find I don't cuddle up to it the right way. I prefer it backwards (facing me)

It's supposed to retain heat and scent so that if I slept with it in my bed for a few days, I could pass it to my child and it should smell like me or if I sleep with my child and the pillow and then transfer her to her bed, it would retain my heat. I haven't tried it like this as my children have no problem sleeping by themselves generally. I did offer it to my younger daughter when I was going to be away for the night but she forgot to use it.

My eldest daughter loves to lay on it with it under her chest when she watches TV in my bedroom. I also use it to prop up my arm when I nurse the baby in bed or to keep items handy like the remote or his soother, without them sliding down under me. I've even used it as a table when I use my laptop in bed for my USB mouse. The memory foam is that hard and yet that soft at the same time!

I think this pillow is a great idea. You can even add a voice recorder so that when it's squeezed it repeats a message you recorded such as "Go to sleep little one." Check out the Mumoocie YouTube channel for more. Also see Mumoocie on Facebook and Twitter.

The pillow was featured on "The Doctors" in October. You can see the video below (they pronounce it wrong.)




*Disclosure: I received the product(s) mentioned above free of charge by the company or PR representative for evaluation purposes. No other compensation was provided. See my Disclosure Policy for more information. 

Be The Voice: Instilling Values in Our Girls #BarbieICanBe

I deal with the challenge of showing girls that they are important, smart and special all the time. Not only do I have two daughters of my own but I am a Girl Guide Leader. I work with Sparks (Ages 5-6), Brownies (ages 7-8) AND Guides (Ages 9-11.) In fact the National Service Project for Girl Guides this year has been Empowering Girls. The Mission of Girl Guides of Canada - Guides du Canada is: Girl Guides of Canada-Guides du Canada enables girls to be confident, resourceful and courageous, and to make a difference in the world.

It can be hard at times instilling the values I want my Girl Guides and my daughters to adopt but then I think of how not empowered I felt as a young girl and I want to make sure I do my part. My mother was great, don't get me wrong. She always told me how special and smart I was and at first, I always believed it. However starting about grade 4, life got hard for me at school. I had no real friends, was teased all the time and made to feel like I wasn't a good person. It got to the point where more people were negative towards me than were positive. I don't want my girls to ever go through that.

Barbie has a new initiative dedicated to helping moms with raising their daughters to be smarter, stronger, happier and more fulfilled. Be The Voice features Canadian Parenting Coach Terry Carson sharing parenting tips and ideas each month. Check it out!


*Disclosure: I am participating in the Barbie I Can Be campaign by Mom Central Canada on behalf of Mattel Canada. I received compensation as a thank you for my participation. The opinions on this blog are my own. See my Disclosure Policy for more information. 

Starting Kindergarten V.2

Last year my first child started Kindergarten. It was scary and exhilarating at the same time, for both of us. This year we get to do it all over again with daughter number two who will be starting this September. That's right I'll have both my daughters in Kindergarten this year.*

So this school year is special for me. Sure in 4 years I'll have another child starting Kindergarten and it's not new to me this year but this is the only time I'll have two children in the same classroom. In my children's school, JK and SK share a classroom and do most things together.

I wonder if this will be easier having them together, or harder. Will they get on each other's nerves and fight each other all the time like they do at home? Will they help each other out and will the older one be there when the younger one misses me? I can't really prepare for this as I don't know what's going to happen.

I may not be able to prepare for all this but I can make sure we are all prepared for the first day of school by making sure we have what we need. If you are looking for a place to shop for unique back to school products, try Tiny Prints. They sell lunch box notes, allergy cards, family planners, emergency contact cards and more.

*For those in other countries where things might be done differently, there are two years of Kindergarten, JK and SK (Junior and Senior) before Grade 1 starts. Kindergarten is not mandatory but most children attend.

**I received compensation in exchange for writing this post but the stories and thoughts are all real.